How Learning to Cook Helped Me Rewrite My Identity

We love to put ourselves in neat little boxes.

I'm not good with money.
I'm not creative.
I'm bad at sport.
I'm not a good cook.

We collect these labels early — from family, from school, from our first jobs or relationships — and then wear them like name tags as if our identity is locked in solid.

Sometimes we forget that these identities aren’t facts. They’re stories. And stories can change.

Yes, we all have natural gifts and preferences. But skill is something we build. Confidence is something we build. Identity is something we build. And it starts with being brave enough to try.

For most of my life, I told myself I wasn’t a good cook.

I wasn’t taught how to cook growing up. Food had always been about survival, not creativity or joy. As an adult, that story stuck: I’m not good at cooking. But it wasn’t really true. It was just unfinished. It just needed a “yet”.

Over the years, I’ve taught myself how to cook. I’ve looked up recipes, tried new techniques, burnt things, under-seasoned things, binned things. I’ve had nights where dinner was toast, and other nights where it was a total surprise success. And gradually, slowly, subtly... I got better.

Funnily though, I kept saying I wasn't a good cook for ages. Until finally, I caught myself repeating that old story, questioned it, and realised it was no longer true. I am a good cook. Other people say it, my partner enjoys the meals I make, but more importantly, I believe it. That shift didn’t happen overnight. It happened one messy, experimental meal at a time.

It happened when I gave myself permission to change the story.

Right now, I’m in the middle of another identity shift... I’m learning to camp!

Again, I didn’t grow up camping. My family had a holiday house, and the only time I ever camped was a school trip when I was 12. So for most of my life, I’ve thought: Camping’s not my thing. I don’t know how to do that.

But now I’m with a partner who loves camping. And I've decided I want to be a camper, too. Let's be clear: there's nothing wrong with not camping. Or not being a good cook. But these are identities I decided I wanted to adopt.

So here I am, a full-grown adult, learning how to camp. It’s expensive. It’s stressful. I overpacked on my first trip because I thought I needed options of things to do (I'm a serious homebody). I overbought food for this trip because I was worried we'd run out. I’m still learning what gear we need, how to pack, and how to actually enjoy it all without feeling like I’m doing it wrong.

I still have no idea what's what — for now, I am the designated kindling collector — but I know that it'll come with time. Eventually, I'll be able to call myself a camper too.

I don't share these stories to just talk about cooking and camping. I know that trying something new — especially as an adult — is incredibly vulnerable. But it’s also liberating.

You’re allowed to rewrite old stories. You’re allowed to be bad at something while you learn. You’re allowed to become someone you never thought you could be, to choose a new identity for yourself, and to keep pursuing it until it's true.

It’s never too late to try something new. It’s never too late to change how you see yourself. And who knows — the thing that feels awkward or impossible today might just become second nature a few years from now.

So if you’ve been quietly thinking about trying something new — whether it’s taking a class, changing careers, joining a club, starting therapy, or even just going camping — let this be your permission slip.

You’re not too old. It’s not too late. You’re allowed to begin.

I’ll be the one by the fire with way too many snacks, cheering you on.

[Want support to try something new? Book a Soul-Led Therapy session here]