An evolving identity is a natural byproduct of choosing growth and authenticity in this lifetime. I truly believe that change comes from an identity level. But stepping into a new identity is no easy path or a smooth and joyful pursuit. It involves stepping out of your comfort zone and breaking down who you have been. It also means navigating the grief that comes with letting those parts go, and doing the work to build this new identity from the ground up.

It's a whole thing.

The Messy Middle is this crazy, often chaotic, time that we're transitioning between the two; no longer aligning with our past self but not completely integrated into this new version.

The first time I really recall experiencing the messy middle was when I first came out as gay. I mean, go big or go home, right?! It took a moment to decide my previous identity no longer aligned, but it took a whole bunch of time (and steps) to shift myself into a grounded, integrated, authentic human who knew who she was and was living a life from that place.

It happened again when I first moved into my tiny apartment and started living on my own. Again, launching my business. Again, moving to a small country town. Again, moving across the country. Again, holding integrity during the pandemic.

And again, right now.

On the surface, it looks pretty simple - I started going to the gym. I'm turning 35 this year, and the looming threat of diminishing muscle mass got me good; it felt like the right time. (Also, my partner joined and I got FOMO and next minute I was joining too...)

But what this new routine has done is given me an insight into the actual process of the messy middle. I'm in it. It's real and true for me. But it's also not one of those times that was hugely emotional whereby I couldn't see the forest for the trees. And the beauty is, I get to share it with you while I’m still in it.

As I'm writing this, I'm almost six weeks into my new gym program. I'm showing up consistently, unwavering in my drive. I'm putting in the time and doing the work.

But I haven't noticed a difference yet.

Yes, I'm lifting heavier, but I still feel the same. I still see the same reflection staring back at me.

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We all love the excitement of starting something new. The decision has been made, the vision is clear, and your heart feels full of possibility.

You plant the seed, full of hope. You nurture it, day after day. You show up. You keep the faith.

But then... nothing. No shoots breaking through the surface. No visible proof that your efforts are working. Just the same soil, the same watering can, the same quiet waiting.

I feel like I'm still staring at that same pot of dirt.

The only way to describe this part of the messy middle... the invisible work.

And the best part is that this waiting game creates space for doubt. Those cheeky little gremlins kick in with the fear that maybe this isn't meant to be - maybe I'm kidding myself - maybe this isn't for me. (I explored this idea last week in this blog post).

But here's the thing about growth: it usually happens before we can see it.

Roots grow deep underground before a seedling breaks the surface. Muscles strengthen before you notice the definition. Confidence builds quietly before you feel unstoppable.

The invisible work stage is so hard because it requires trust. Trust in the process. Trust in the timing. Trust in yourself. And self-trust is some of the biggest work I have ever done and walk clients through.

Once the seed has sprouted through the surface, the progress is visible. Once you've built the foundations, you can see the growth. It's getting there that's the hard part. It's why so many people throw in the towel (or don't even try to begin with).

There is plenty of evidence around change, habits, and identity (seriously, if you're a reader, get your hands on 'Atomic Habits' by James Clear). Changing your identity means the habits to support that new person stick better than forcing them upon your old self.

Evolving your identity is one of the most important parts of this little ole thing we call life. And I truly believe it's worth it. (Which is why I'm sticking with this gym thing - I'm trusting my 80-year-old self will thank me for it).

So, if you're in the messy middle - calling in an upgrade, an evolution, a whole new identity, I want to celebrate you and encourage you to keep at it. Making the decision to take the first step (knowing how much it will cost you, but also knowing there's truly no other choice) is a huge leap forward.

Keep watering those seeds. Your breakthrough might be closer than you think.